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Ella slideshow

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I have a daughter

Thank you to all of you who said a prayer for me yesterday. I had a better first day at work than I thought I would. It was really slow, and all of my coworkers are great. I am glad to be a part of that team of women. I didn't run into many people yesterday, so I avoided most of the questions that I was dreading. But, there was one. I knew this question would come up at some point-but I didn't know how to respond. Another nurse and I were starting an IV on a patient when the mother asked "do ya'll have any children?" I just stumbled on my words and then shook my head "no". I wanted to say yes, but then I knew she would ask me "how old?" I felt bad about it as soon as I did it. I DO have a daughter- a beautiful daughter that I am so proud of. I have a daughter that I love and miss so much. I didn't know how to respond for two reasons. Reason number one- I don't want to cry in front of people. Reason number two- I don't want to make people feel bad for asking a simple question. But, I know that this isn't how I want to answer this question now. Ella is my daughter and I can't deny her, and I don't want to. I should have said "I have a daughter in Heaven." I thought about as soon as I had shook my head no, but it was done. The next time I am asked this, I will do what I should have done yesterday.

I love you Ella, and I am so proud to be your mom!

8 comments:

  1. That is a very hard question to answer. I have 3 other children besides our angel and I never know the "right" way to answer that question.

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  2. She knows how much you love her and how proud of her you are. Don't get down on yourself. You are an amazing mother to Ella! :)

    I think I will be using, "I have a daughter in heaven" as well.

    I'm glad you had an ok first day back. More prayers coming your way for the days ahead!!!

    Melissa & Amelia

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  3. That is such a very difficult question. I am so glad that prayers were answered and yesterday went so well. I agree with Melissa, Ella knows how very much you love her and how proud you are of her. Praying still day by day for work to continue to be good. Also, I finally got to watch the slideshow at the top of your page and love, love, love it. Ella is just so adorable. Thank you for sharing her with us. Hugs and prayers!

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  4. That question is never easy, and you will probably still answer differently for each situation you are in. I'm glad work went well, Ella knows how much you love her and you are doing a great job keeping her memory alive!

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  5. I definitely encourage you to answer that question in what way you feel is comfortable. You know in your heart that Ella is your daughter and she knows you are her mommy and I'm sure she is very proud that God chose you to be her mother as well as your husband to be her father. Whatever way you choose to answer that question will not change that fact :) so there is no reason to feel guilty for saying "no". You went with how you felt and there is nothing wrong in doing that.

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  6. Ella knows how much you love her!

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  7. I lost a son to anecephaly on April 15, 2010. I'm so sorry that our stories have that in common.

    I've tried to anticipate my answer to "that" question in all it's various forms. Somehow when the question has been asked it seems like it's always with one eye on the other 3 that I have running around and I haven't known how to include Noah in the count. It's just hard.

    I pray that God gives you/us the strength and wisdom to know how to give Him the glory when it comes to our children that have gone before.

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  8. Oh my heart is breaking for you because this question SO HURTS MY heart....I'm a big believer in not asking a question one is not ready to hear the answer to, but....sometimes, I have to analyze the situation and really question whether or not I'll be able to handle the accompanying conversation--whether it's me crying or them not appropriately responding...

    It's all so hard....there's no doubt you are proud to be that beautiful girl's mommy and I pray that the answer to the questions we will inevitably get will be given to us straight from our Father's heart.

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