Ella slideshow

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A sweet story

I am resposting a story I read on a friend's blog.  It brought tears to my eyes and made me think of Ella so much- I had to share.

                                     The Brave Little Soul

Not long ago in heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however, the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen, why is there suffering in the world?"

God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts."

The little soul was confused. "What do you mean?, he asked.

God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences, and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone." The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their hearts, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine free, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this, it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer, to unlock this love, to create this miracle, for the good of all humanity."

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could not hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, and bounding up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into this world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!"

God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave, you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond others. They have already chosen a name for you."

God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul, that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.

Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength he unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy, found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, some regained faith, many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives were changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle happened. God was pleased.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Happy Birthday Ella

     Happy Birthday my sweet baby girl!  I can't believe it has been a whole year since I held you in my arms.  Although at times it feels like an eternity.  It has been way too long.  I have been thinking about you all day and the things that we were doing with you this time last year.  About this time last year, you were about to eat for the first time.  I wish I could relive those moments with you.  I wish I could hold you.  I wish I could kiss your sweet lips and touch your soft skin.  I remember your sweet baby smell so well, and I promise I even smelled it again one time today. 
     Daddy and I decided not to have a party or a cake.  It just didn't feel right to us without you here.  But everyone brought you presents.  Leaving them and the cemetary today felt so wrong...even though I know you aren't really there.  I know you are having a better birthday in Heaven than we could ever give you here.
     I just want you to know that you made me the proudest mommy ever.  I miss you and love you more than I could ever say.

Love you,

Sunday, May 8, 2011

My first Mother's Day without her

     Last Mother's Day was my last full day with Ella safe inside.  We were past our due date, it was the thursday before.  I am so thankful I went past my due date and got to spend one mother's day with her with me.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  We went to church that morning, I definitley wanted to be in church that day.  Mother's Day is the day that they do baby dedication at my church.  I remember bawling my eyes out as we watched the families dedicate their babies, knowing that I wouldn't get to do that with Ella was heartbreaking.  It still is.  I didn't go to church today, because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together through that.  Then we visited with family.  Then we went home.  We got everything together and tried to get some rest-that didn't happen.  I got admitted to the hospital that night at midnight for my c-section the next morning.  She was born at 8:11 the next morning.  Holding her in my arms was the best Mother's Day present I could ever ask for.
     I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband.  Last year for Mother's Day, Jon gave me an emerald ring; Ella's birthstone.  This year he surprised me with the most thoughtful gift.  He had Ella's blog made into a book.  It is emerald green. He has pages of her pictures in there.  I think it is the most thoughtful gift I have ever recieved.  I will keep and cherish it forever.
     I haven't announced it to everyone yet, but I am 10 weeks pregnant today.  We have had three ultrasounds, and so far the baby is doing great.  Of course it is too early to check for neural tube defects or anything.  Please keep us and our baby in your prayers.
     So, today is so bittersweet.  I am so thankful and happy for this baby.  But I miss my daughter so much. 

I love you Ella!  I am so proud you made me a mommy!