August 31, 2009...

was the day that we found out that I was pregnant with Ella. I can remember the details of that day like it was yesterday! I had worked all weekend twelve hour shifts and had felt funny. I told Jon on Sunday evening that I thought I might be pregnant, because my period was a couple of days late. He didn't believe me, because that had happened before and everytime I tested it was negative. Monday morning when I woke up, I took a test. It came back with no control line??? The box said that meant the test was inconclusive. I had an eye doctor appointment that day. I went to my appointment, then Jon and I went to Walgreens and got some more tests. We debated on taking another test that evening or waiting for morning like the box said. I took a test that evening. Immediately, it was positive! I remember Jon raising his hands up and saying "SCORE!" He was so excited. I was so excited and nervous. I knew that from that moment on our lives would be forever changed.
We can't keep secrets. We told everyone right away and began to plan for the baby. We picked out boy names and girl names. We started turning the spare bedroom into a nursery. Jon had repainted it, put up light fixtures, new blinds, we put in new carpet before I was even 15 weeks pregnant. It still seems so unreal sometimes. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have Ella at home in her nursery. I can't imagine having a four month old baby at home with us.
I wish that I could go back in time and live those moments again. I would love to go back to the time when Ella was with us and we didn't know we were going to lose her. I would love to feel that excitement again. I would love to be able to talk to her and tell her how happy she made us and how much we love her.
It is hard to believe that one year ago we found out we were going to be a mommy and a daddy. And now, a year later, our baby is in Heaven. Even though Ella isn't here at home with us, she made us mommy and daddy for the first time! She changed our lives so much in the 10 months that she was here.

I love you Ella! I miss you so much!