It has been almost 14 weeks since Ella was born. It was around this time last year that Ella was concieved. That is so hard for me to believe. I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past year. Somedays I feel like the last year of my life has been a dream- it seems impossible that all of it really happened. In a year, I became pregnant for the first time, was so excited to be a mom, was devastated to find out that my baby wouldn't survive, gave birth to the most precious baby girl, held her in my arms for one amazing day, had to say goodbye to my daughter, am dealing with my grief over losing her, and am now trying to adjust to what life is now. I look back at myself before this time last year, and I can hardly recognize me. I feel like such a different person now. I know what is important now. But, I do miss some parts of the old me. I miss being silly sometimes and laughing a lot (I still laugh, but not nearly as often). Right now it is hard for me to feel those emotions because I am still missing Ella SO much. I know I will always miss her. It is hard trying to balance my life right now. How do I pull the old me and the new me together? I am sorry if none of this makes any sense-it is just how I feel right now. And though the last year has been so hard, it has been so worth it to have Ella with me for over 10 months. I wouldn't trade that for anything!
I love you Ella!
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