It is so strange how everything I think of relates to Ella. I can being doing something so random, and it somehow connects to Ella. This evening, my husband and I went to eat at a Japanese restaurant in town that we eat at often. As I was waiting to order, I was thinking the last time we ate here, Ella was with us. Before I was pregnant, I would order tuna. Then when I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't order tuna anymore. I didn't want to order tuna today, and the thought that I could have it if I wanted it just made me sad. That sounds so crazy, but I find myself always thinking stuff like this. I came home and got my shower, put my pajama's on and the first thing I thought was, I haven't worn this since Ella was born. These are old p.j's that I wore many times before I was pregnant-but now they make me think back to being pregnant with Ella. I got in the car yesterday and drove to town. It was the first time I have driven since my c-section. I was thinking, it is weird driving without my big belly in the way-and wishing that Ella was in the back in her carseat. And the list goes on and on...everything relates to Ella.
We found out that we were pregnant with our first child on August 31, 2009. We were nervous, but very excited. We spent the next few months planning for our future. We knew that our lives would be changed forever when our baby was born. We just never thought it would be changed in this way. On November 25th, we went for our first ultrasound. We were so excited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl (we both felt like it was a girl). Instead of finding out the sex, we found out that our baby had anencephaly. Anencephaly is a fatal neural tube defect in which the part of the tube that forms into the skull and portion of the brain doesn't close. It was the worst day of our lives. We chose to carry our baby to term. We found out at another ultrasound the next week that we were having a girl. We named her Ella Christine. Ella means "bright light", and I can't think of a more perfect name. God blessed us with 20 hours with her after she was born, and she changed our lives forever. I never thought I would want to blog, but now all we want to do is talk about our baby girl.