My first Mother's Day without her

     Last Mother's Day was my last full day with Ella safe inside.  We were past our due date, it was the thursday before.  I am so thankful I went past my due date and got to spend one mother's day with her with me.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  We went to church that morning, I definitley wanted to be in church that day.  Mother's Day is the day that they do baby dedication at my church.  I remember bawling my eyes out as we watched the families dedicate their babies, knowing that I wouldn't get to do that with Ella was heartbreaking.  It still is.  I didn't go to church today, because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together through that.  Then we visited with family.  Then we went home.  We got everything together and tried to get some rest-that didn't happen.  I got admitted to the hospital that night at midnight for my c-section the next morning.  She was born at 8:11 the next morning.  Holding her in my arms was the best Mother's Day present I could ever ask for.
     I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband.  Last year for Mother's Day, Jon gave me an emerald ring; Ella's birthstone.  This year he surprised me with the most thoughtful gift.  He had Ella's blog made into a book.  It is emerald green. He has pages of her pictures in there.  I think it is the most thoughtful gift I have ever recieved.  I will keep and cherish it forever.
     I haven't announced it to everyone yet, but I am 10 weeks pregnant today.  We have had three ultrasounds, and so far the baby is doing great.  Of course it is too early to check for neural tube defects or anything.  Please keep us and our baby in your prayers.
     So, today is so bittersweet.  I am so thankful and happy for this baby.  But I miss my daughter so much. 

I love you Ella!  I am so proud you made me a mommy!