Ella slideshow

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Waves of Grief

     I know that people always use the phrase "grief comes in waves."  That is exactly what it is like.  I feel like it comes over me like a tidal wave.  I feel like my grief has been pretty constant, but there are times when it hits you and washes over you and you feel covered by it.  I have experienced quite a few of those tidal waves lately.
    I have been out of town at a work conference for a few days.  I went three days being away from Jon, away from my family, away from home.  It was the first time I have spent the night away from Jon since Ella was born.  I was dreading being apart that long.  But, the trip went well.  We had a good time.  I held myself together the whole three days.  Three days without crying is a long stretch for me still. 
    Even though I enjoyed the trip with my coworkers, I was so ready to be home.  So, yesterday I came home.  I was happy to be back home with Jon and with Max and Millie.  They were so excited to see me and I was so excited to see them.  But, within an hour of being home I was hit by the tidal wave.  I was overwhelmed by sadness, and missing Ella, and how much I wish life were different.  

I love you Ella!  I miss you so much!


  1. I'm so sorry sweet friend! There are so many triggers. Your are constantly in my prayers. Sending hugs your way!

  2. Its very much like the ebb and flow of the waves