Waves of Grief

     I know that people always use the phrase "grief comes in waves."  That is exactly what it is like.  I feel like it comes over me like a tidal wave.  I feel like my grief has been pretty constant, but there are times when it hits you and washes over you and you feel covered by it.  I have experienced quite a few of those tidal waves lately.
    I have been out of town at a work conference for a few days.  I went three days being away from Jon, away from my family, away from home.  It was the first time I have spent the night away from Jon since Ella was born.  I was dreading being apart that long.  But, the trip went well.  We had a good time.  I held myself together the whole three days.  Three days without crying is a long stretch for me still. 
    Even though I enjoyed the trip with my coworkers, I was so ready to be home.  So, yesterday I came home.  I was happy to be back home with Jon and with Max and Millie.  They were so excited to see me and I was so excited to see them.  But, within an hour of being home I was hit by the tidal wave.  I was overwhelmed by sadness, and missing Ella, and how much I wish life were different.  

I love you Ella!  I miss you so much!