I went to Target today. I love shopping at Target. Going in Target is a trigger for me. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, Jon and I spent so much time in the baby section looking at all the things we wanted to buy for our baby. Then at the end of my pregnancy I spent so much time looking at clothes and things for Ella there. We had no idea if she would get to wear them, but she has a closet full of clothes.
Today, I went in for a few things I needed. I stopped at the dollar spot and found a little tree. I put it in the buggy. I had been planning to make a Christmas arrangement or little tree for Ella's grave, but wasn't sure what I would do. I wandered around the store and then went to the Christmas section to look for some ornaments. The first ones I saw were the "Baby's first Christmas" ones. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was fighting back tears, because I want to be buying those SO bad for Ella. I walked around the Christmas section looking for some tiny ornaments, then I saw a cute little white tree with a red star on top. It is a little bigger -2ft. I traded out the scrawny little tree for the white one and found some ornaments for it. I found one that I love. It is a little silver angel with crystal wings that says "loved." I have a plan now. We will decorate the tree and put it at Ella's grave. And then family can bring an ornament for Ella too if they want. It is going to be a yearly tradition. It isn't at all what I had planned for this Christmas, but it makes me feel so much better to have a way to include Ella during the holidays.
As soon as I got home, the wind chimes were chiming. They have been chiming like crazy again. I can feel Ella's presence so much today. That may sound crazy. I know she is in Heaven, but there are times when I "feel" her presence. I love those times.
I love you Ella!! I miss you so much !!
When Your Child Asks If Death Is Painful...
1 year ago